This is not Goodbye…

As you left the other day, I wanted to call out to you. But no words came out. Instead, tears just started flowing. Even the boisterous Dusty sat by my side, confused by the salt he tasted on my face. I reached for the phone, but I realize that talking to you will make things worse for you.

For selfish reasons, I want you here. I need you here. You can’t reappear in my life, and then leave. I want to believe something better is in the horizon. But this dull pain that causes these tears to flow uncontrollably cannot be consoled.

Who else would laugh at my silly one-sided jokes?

Who else would gallivant around the city with me for errands I have to run?

… and then stuff her face with me like we’ve not been fed for centuries?

…and after that, lug more food home?

Who else would stand in the cold with me?

…just for a chance of a bargain?

…or scout the city for toys?

Who else would spend the weekends watching dramas with me?

…and then proceed to discuss the hotness of each leading actor?

Who else would love Jessie and Dusty more than me?

…and clean their eye boogers for them?

Who else can I bicker with one minute, and the next be joking with?

Who else…?

I am a mess. Maybe if I dried out this well, I will be strong enough for you when you leave. I will send you off with a smile, and words of hope that we will one day be together again.

But who am I kidding? You’re the strong one, my pillar. The one I rely on.

We may no longer be 20 minutes by foot from each other, but 20 hours by flight; but our bonds will keep us close.

This is not goodbye.

姐, I will miss you.

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